The Body Keeps The Score – How My Physiology Mirrored My Unconscious Psychology (Trauma In The Body)

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“The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.”
― M. Scott Peck

I want to talk to you today about trauma getting stuck in the body, and what this stuckness has to do with our refusal to hold ourselves accountable for the decisions we’ve made that shackle us to the very pain that torments us.

Trauma in the body is a big topic, and I claim no academic expertise.

I do however lay claim to my personal experience, because I feel like I got a PhD in trauma this lifetime, and how it manifests in the body – or at least in MY body; as well as how to move it out and live in FREEDOM.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I may not have the answers for you. We’re all different and we process emotions and life experiences in diverse ways.

What I want to do today is share the ways my physiology adapted to my subconscious psychology, and mirrored to me every decision I ever made that led to the experience of unprocessed trauma manifesting in my body.

What I’m about to share may seem controversial, because I am going to make the case – for myself at least – that the trauma stuck in my body in adulthood was actually the result of a string of consequential decisions I made as a child…

…and that, because no one else made those decisions but me, it was only by confronting myself and being willing to acknowledge that I DID THIS TO MYSELF…

That I found freedom.

Let me be clear – these choices I’m about to describe to you, along with how they impacted my body, were made wisely at an unconscious level at various times in my childhood when survival and safety were prioritized by my brain and body at the nervous system level.

So I in no way BLAME myself.

As a child, I wasn’t yet in full command of my consciousness or my life.

My body, in its infinite wisdom as the structure which houses my soul, saw fit to remind me of every one of these decisions at a later date in adulthood when I WAS capable of being in command of my consciousness and when I could, out of freedom – begin to participate in life consciously.

But before I could wield that consciousness in freedom as an autonomous adult, I had to hold myself accountable for my earlier unconsciousness and the impact that my own unconscious decisions had on my psyche, my body and my life.

So where do we begin?

The gut pain that plagued me for decades started at age 14.

I remember telling my mom about it after a particularly intense episode where I couldn’t hide the agony, and she took me to the hospital because she was scared my appendix had ruptured.

They poked and prodded me under fluorescent lights, questioning me intensely while I lay there terrified because I was convinced I was about to get in trouble. After they found nothing in my abdominal region, the male nurse or doctor – without batting an eye and unable to hide some of his judgment – asked me, in front of my mom, if I was having sex.

I decided to lie, and say NO.

They discharged me to my bewildered mother with no diagnosis, and I lived with intense on and off gut pain until age 31.

The knee pain that I talk about so often first started in my left knee at age 16, when I discovered that running was a really great way to escape reality.

While I was running, I experienced the illusion of freedom.

I could temporarily escape my mind which incessantly reminded me how stupid I am, how shameful and disgusting, how trapped I was and that I really needed to DO something…but action felt impossible.

When my feet hit that pavement, for 30 or 40 blissful minutes I could escape my body, escape my mind, escape my family, experience a brief high and a temporary vacation from my life.

Except for that dang knee pain.

Why did my body hate me so much, I wondered?

Did my body want to rob me of the ONLY thing in my life that gave me relief? How cruel.

I ran through the pain for years, refusing to listen to my body…until at age 22 the pain got so bad I was suddenly scared that if I kept running I would damage my knees so badly that I would have to give up hiking…which was an unacceptable idea to me.

So I just stopped running.

Hiking was doable for another 2 years, but by age 24 BOTH of my knees hurt so much I was scared I wouldn’t even be able to work out in a gym.

So I decided to give up hiking, and became a gym rat….

Continued on my blog 👉🏽

#Body #Score #Physiology #Mirrored #Unconscious #Psychology #Trauma #Body

Some Toughts (14)

  1. Avatar
    added on 28 Sep, 2020

    This is such a raw and detailed explanation. Thankyou so much for sharing this. It's really helped me link my own life story and chronic pain. I have gotten more from this video than any therapy I've been too. So thankyou so much. Sending hugs and much love xx

  2. Avatar
    added on 28 Sep, 2020

    Thanks for sharing. I always feel awkwardly comfortable when hearing stories likes this. I share similar hardships and trauma. I am dealing with anger and rage now. I need a resource for help. Any guidance?

  3. Avatar
    added on 28 Sep, 2020

    So powerful Elisha, really hits home for me and I would think for a lot of others too ❤️❤️

  4. Avatar
    added on 28 Sep, 2020

    So sorry you’ve experienced all this… so much resonates with me – I feel as if I have suppressed memories of my childhood. I imagine you’re in a good place now thankfully

  5. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Thank you.

  6. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Thank you for sharing this…this world isn't fair; it can be a harrowing, surreal, and unforgiving experience for some of us. You are a testament to the human spirit. Battles are fought every day in our minds, and the war is never truly over until death. Peace and Love~

  7. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Thanks for sharing your truth and helping others do the same 💖

  8. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    I could almost claim your experiences as my own. Unfortunately I’ve spent many more years in denial and suppression than you did. I feel like I started to come out of it just a few short years ago but I’m not yet there. Hopefully I will achieve the same freedom that you have now found. I’m still working at it though.

  9. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Thanks for sharing. ❤️

  10. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Ive had hip pain for 10 years. Even wrote a 175 page book on nutritional ways of joint relief I self published on Amazon. Started watching Dr Joe Dispenza videos and testimonials a week ago. Then just received this video through e mail. Some might say coincidence. I say synchronicity. We are all connected. Return of Christ consciousness through the hearts of man.

  11. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Yes ma'am. My body was frozen in so many places and my bones turned in wrong directions against each other. Proper alignment was impossible as I tried to shrink myself from sight.
    I didnt have the traumatic experience you did but my life was fraught with people I couldnt trust, including myself I now know. I'm still trying to figure out why I have so few memories from childhood. As I gain my sense of self I believe the memories will float to the surface.
    Meanwhile, I'm learning to listen to my body, which is my intuition. Releasing my gut was huge. I thought I had a stomach of steel because it rarely felt bad but I had actually scrunched it up and stuffed it under my ribs to shut it up. I so far have to keep working to keep it free as it wants to retreat to its safe place. But the more I stretch it and keep it from hiding, the more present I become and the more I respond to life appropriately.
    I'm practicing showing up for myself and therefore being trustworthy to myself. As I get better at that I believe I'll see more accurately who else is trustworthy and who is not.
    Thanks Elisha.

  12. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    Thank you so much for your vulnerability and openness in sharing your experiences! So much of this resonates with me and helps me to connect some dots in my own life. Much love to you, Elisha ♥️🙏

  13. Avatar
    added on 29 Sep, 2020

    I like your stuff . It all makes sense x.

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