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Why Narcissists Try To Destroy People Who Leave Them: A Psychological Explanation.



As many of my followers know, I developed the Self-Love Deficit Disorder/SLDD (codependency) Pyramid to explain why the problem does not respond well or get resolved through psychotherapy. The Pyramid demonstrates how “attachment trauma,” “core shame,” “pathological loneliness,” “SLDD addiction are the actual problems, and not “the tip of the pyramid’s” symptoms that we understand to be SLDD/codependency.

In this video I demonstrate how this same Pyramid can be used to understand why Pathological Narcissists will do about anything to stop their healing partner from leaving them.

For more information on the topic view the full-length (4 to 6 hours) seminar/educational videos at

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#Narcissists #Destroy #People #Leave #Psychological #Explanation

Some Toughts (36)

  1. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Narcissistic son..is raging and treats me as if everything that goes wrong is my fault. Bad marriage…i feel left him resentful of me. How do you heal him? I apologize its not enough
    Blames me for dad drug addiction…im looking for help. Thanks for videos.

  2. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
    Reply

    Well the opener wasnt good news…

  3. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Can you please make a video about helping our children not to become narcissist or codependent when they have a narcissist parent. Thanks an advance!🙏🏻

  4. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Can I heal from the pathological loneliness? I have your book; I listen to these videos. I have a councilor. This is difficult. I used to be great on my own, strong, confident- what happened? How did I become so afraid, insecure and feeling frozen. I broke away from all my family. I am doing the work- some days are hard to bare. But, I am sticking with it. It is lonely. This all began when my parents got il and finally died. The siblings were not on my side, in fact they were cruel.

  5. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Very helpful to hear this. TY.

  6. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    It's heartbreaking that I love my daughter so much & finding out this about her is overwhelming ,I often said;as if she hates me & feel she doesn't love anyone , she will go to the extreme to have you suffer,,I'm been searching & reading alot on narcissists & with deep sadness i'm understanding more but feeling helpless .

  7. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Excellent analysis.

  8. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Thank you for this clear explanation about the pathological narcissist, how much more intense their deep pain is, and why they seek with tremendous focus and determination to annihilate and destroy their supposed 'foes'. I now better understand why my father has done, and continues to do all in his immense power to annihilate me, why my mother worked with him to do so even after her death 2 years ago, and why my sister so masterfully manipulated them (and the situation) so "exquisitely" to gain all that she did and has from them, and to "finish me off" in the family; and why no matter how much love I express as a daughter (from a non verbal, non physical contact, only emails and notes), my love will never find a loving "soft spot" within my father. "Thank god for God" in my life, and thank you Ross, and other teachers who help us to understand that it's not us so-to-speak, and to know the what and the why so that we can keep working on healing with all that we've got, because we deserve wholeness, healing and freedom. Thank you for writing your book, and for your teachings, and this message.

  9. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    There might be SLDDs but not everyone who is targeted by narcissistic people come under that blanket name, narcissists target open loving people and bombard then with love, or at least the outer expression of love, then when the target has opened their heart fully they are in love!!! This is a real state of being!!

  10. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I just came across your video and have kept my values at the forefront and have had to let go at least 70% of my relationships as I put in boundaries and tried to level uneven scales. Now I need to find “like” social connections. But finding my tribe difficult in the pandemic.

  11. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Narcissists ARE ABUSERS, yet they absolutely resent being seen as, or called, abusers! They will resort to calling YOU crazy, claiming that you need help, viciously attacking your character, and aggressively smearing your name, if you dare to call THEM out as abusers! In any event, narcissists MUST hurt you–no matter what–because they are damaged, fracture people that use abuse to bolster and defend their existence! They ARE going to get you (abuse you), because they were got (abused)–and they are incapable of reconciling it. It's a function of their dysfunction!

  12. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Simple .. Be single and happy and get a dog .. I love my peaceful life in the woods ..

  13. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I feel much better after seeing this. Everything makes more sense.
    Big thanks for the video.

  14. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Incredible video and music! Who is that? Did you write that? Is it like a jazz fusion?

  15. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    16:5617:10 Answered my question. Thank you so much Ross

  16. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    19:08

    Right on.

  17. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    You sure nailed it in full detail, thank you for your in depth explanation of there disorder !! For an empath as I am, I’ve lost years from recovery but thank god I had enough of her bullshit lying, cheat and repeat circus act and found peace of mind being away from their mental abuse I never knew was right in front of me the whole 2 yr torture I endured and as you’ve said, she blamed me for her full circle mental mind fuk abuse !! It’s one hell of a black hole to be caught up in without knowing wtf was happening !! I do feel for her pain but because I went through the abuse it’s mind altering and took years to break free !! I wished she was the awesome person I am as she stole my traits and faked it all but now know she’s beyond help and why ? Because she will never change and doesn’t want to because blaming me for her illness is her game !! It’s sad and don’t wish this hell on anyone, don’t walk, run like you’ve got dbbl barrel carbarators fueled by airplane fuel, trust me if you think you can help them, your fooling yourself, get out and find someone else who cares about you and will stand by you not stab you in the back like a narcissist will do months, years later, thanks for this so important intel, it’s needed for the masses who never knew this mental illness existed !!

  18. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I always thought the narcissist was created from being appointed as a golden child and raised with a sense of delusional entitlement by a narcissistic parent, is this video presenting the idea that the narcissist origins come from being the scapegoated child in the family?

  19. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    This all happened to me, co-dependency with narcissist. It all makes sense. Thank you. It was a prison sentence ending the relationship and traum. 17 years and still emotionally healing. To say what a journey, is understatement.

  20. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    SLDD ! Wow Excellent Theory! Brings together a lot of roads. Glad I found you. 🙌🏻

  21. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    Thank you for this video ♥️

  22. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I found it very bizarre that when I was with a covert malignant narcissist woman, she was extremely smart .. phd candidate in genetics and straight As in biochemistry and microbiology in both undergraduate and masters degree academics, that when I started learning of what narcissism really was, I started paying very close attention to many very subtle clues. Then I recognized the malintent and deliberate purpose behind these very subtle actions AND non actions especially in communication. When I tried to find resolution to questions I asked, it was met with a. Irrelevant blame shifting back on me b. A round of name calling that I had never been called before c. Ignoring or denial or outright lies
    That was my ‘first love’ and significant relationship … I had felt that way for a very long time even though I had broken up the relationship as I could never feel at peace in the relationship and often in pain .. when she hoovered back in in a particularly tough time in my life and saw all these things re-emerge but was much worse with actual sadistic type actions or words … my ‘love’ for her actually evaporated as I came to realize I actually loved someone who didn’t exist (within her) .. I was with someone who actually deliberately tried to hurt and manipulate on a sporadic but fairly regular basis for no apparent reason … I was so relieved to escape .. and all that I had felt about that person really really disappeared and I felt emotionally free for once after 33 years

  23. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    You’re the only one I’ve found so far who talks about how painful the pathological loneliness can be. It feels like you’re drowning and you will do anything to get some air (the drug).

  24. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    incompetent bafoon . narcissism is now far beyond the individual experience

  25. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I'm an SLD to the core. Thanks mom. You did a great job.

  26. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    And besides doing anything to keep the SLDD If they see no recovery for the relationship they will do anything to blame the SLDD. Anyways thank you for this I would like to say… Holy validation!

  27. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    WOW very helpful to me,I'm a victim of spousal abuse, from my soon to be X husband,he has unbelievable narcissistic traits, also an alcoholic, as well as Tourette's, I was abused by him in every way possible, the Mind Games I put up with, was unbelievable, the last episode I went through with him, gave him a felony for spousal abuse, why can't these narcissistic get a felony for, (narcissistic abuse) that should have a name of this own, criminal charges of its own for that matter, as well as having lawyers that specializes in and narcissistic abuse ? ? ? 🤔😵

  28. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    My 7 year grandson has been diagnosed with anxiety, which I suspect has been caused in part, by having 2 narcisstic parents. One parent receives theraphy, the other does not. My grandson has not received any treatment since his anxiety diagnosis 9 months ago. Any advice on how to help him or resources you can point me to would be appreciated.

  29. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I make infographics, a nerdy pleasure of mine, these infographics here are phenomenal, and so are the concepts! just sharing my appreciation. BTW, combining writing and visual art activity is extraordinarily healing and I have found that they really ignite self love and healing (something about bridging left and right brain hemispheres?) when I added music, my self love (self-respect and confidence, passion for purpose, etc.) went through the roof on another level. Combining the education that Ross here is offering with the creative development in some form of craft is a cocktail for a brilliant fulfilling life. Make sure you vary activities to hit all the brain areas, plus exercise of body. Toxic people will sense this self-possessed-ness and run, run for the hills! blessings!

  30. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
    Reply

    Great… I have been discarded by my covert/fragile narc. We used to work together and i am still in the company. We're all friends and i am wondering when I get a different vibe from my co-workers… but in the end of the day he told a couple of my colleagues that he did a quiz online with the result that he is a covert narc. Yes, he said it out loud. Maybe cuz he was hoping that my colleagues say : of course you're not' but yes… my fear is now the smear campaign because the job is all I got. No contact by the way. I blocked him.

  31. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
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    I had SLD and I probably still do to some extent. I am working on it. I was the piano player who lived my mother's dream and excelled at it. I was the show dog in the family, if you will. She eventually got jealous of me and poisoned me with arsenic. Yep. For real…. The shame I feel sometimes is so severe I can hardly stand it. I am starting to feel self love somehow and I think God healed me or at least is in the process of healing me. It takes a while for sure. Be kind to yourself. For example if it took you 50 years to get this way, it may take at least 10 years at best to reverse it. Who knows. Maybe it can happen faster. God can work miracles. It is called being born again and renewing your mind with the mind of Christ. I do like to learn, though, and will probably watch this video 3 times.

  32. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
    Reply

    Finally makes sense, Dr.Ross. Now, I know the road I must take…the answers and healing is here. When I can afford it…hopefully soon…I am walking this path. Recovery is possible, after all I now see. TYSM for everything. You are saving lives.

  33. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
    Reply

    You left out the CULTURAL & RELIGIOUS PRESSURE to stay married to the narcissist no MATTER what they put you through & the SHAME brought onto the FAMILY should one leave the marriage! These, I believe, are also, very, very, valid reasons why people find themselves stuck in ongoing, traumatic relationships with narcissistic individuals coupled with s total lack of resources to escape such a harrowing existence. On top of this, is Society’s unwillingness to believe what a survivor of narcissistic abuse has had to endure & even when they do report their experiences; most mandated reporters are disrespectful & dismissive often saying “… it can’t possibly be that bad”, or “.. but the (abuser) SEEMS like such a NICE PERSON…”, or “ … I just can’t imagine ( the abuser) saying such things or acting that way” ( Jekyll & Hyde persona; one way when there is an audience & totally different behind the closed, locked doors of the house)!

  34. Avatar
    added on 27 Sep, 2020
    Reply

    Fantastic, still in the learning. Thanks😊

  35. Avatar
    added on 28 Sep, 2020
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    I left and divorced my narcissistic husband of 20 years. Had to endure smear campaign, turned one of my sons against me and he sure tried to destroy me. I see things a lot clearer now, and I am trying to get my two sons to understand the situations that we went through (one of the the victim golden child). Thank you Ross for your thorough and much needed work on this complex subject!

  36. Avatar
    added on 28 Sep, 2020
    Reply

    Great video Ross. Your videos have been a tremendous support for me over the last two years. During this time I have weathered ridicule, rejection, criticism and abandonment due to breaking free of my SLDD role in my family of origin unit. The personal power breaking free has given me has been worth every second of pain. 💪💪💪 Thank you! 😊🎉

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